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Monday, February 26, 2007

Double Entendres from the BBC

12 of the finest double-entendres that were aired on British TV & Radio.

1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."

5. US PGA Commentator -

"One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked,

"So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after getting a 69 yesterday."

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:

They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his
shorts."

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open:

"Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

I always the one, reputedly from John Arlott, the famous cricket commentator

"The Batsman's Holding the bowlers Willey".

3 comments:

Not Saussure said...

The cricket commentaries used to be great for this sort of thing. I fear I can't remember the players involved, nor even the teams (though I think it may have been England v the Kiwis). Anyway, Brian Johnson was commentating when, on the fifth ball of the over, the bowler landed a ferocious delivery on the batsman's box. The poor chap went one way and his bat went one way, while Jonners was trying to explain that he'd been hit 'on the upper thigh'. Eventually he picked himself up to face the final delivery of the over, or, as Jonners put it

'He's taking his guard again, with only one ball left to go'

I think it was also the great Jonners who once tried to describe a recent rearrangement of the fielding positions to World Service listeners who'd just joined the programme by explaining that the captain, Illingworth, had just relieved himself over at the Pavillion End.

backin15 said...

Although many of these are familiar to me, the combined impact was enough to make coffee come out my nose. Nice way to start the day!

Jeremy Jacobs said...

and David Coleman's classic "and Juantorena opens his legs and shows us his class"